Sometimes I Think Only I Can See Him
Billy is such an adorably cute bunny! Now, he does
have a few drawbacks, such as laziness, superstitions, sexual
irregularities, uncontrolled jealousies, a predilection for drugs and
alcohol, vanity, ignorance of anything that requires the
slightest trace of discipline to learn, no accomplishments to speak of,
delusions of adequacy, indolence beyond all belief, rages, cruelty,
thoughtlessness, self love, loud and gleeful belching, compulsive whistling, a vague but discernible bad
attitude, uncontrolled flatulence, a marked aversion to soap and water,
talking loudly in movie theaters, ditto restaurants, often passing out
on the couch with his upper plate next to the overflowing ashtray,
pants and soiled underwear down around his ankles. He snores
like a freight train and the smell is awful. He steals my cigarettes and
leaves stained and oily magazines lying around featuring naked bunnies holding whips. Last Halloween a mother and her kids
saw him unconscious in front of the TV and the cops showed up. I have
been to court over that twice and now my lawyer won't return my calls.
Billy told a reporter from the Huffington Post I had been keeping him in
sexual slavery and making him run laps when he was not filling sandbags
or cleaning up after me. Yesterday I was severely beaten by a mob of
angry women wearing Me Too shirts. I have no money left and the doctor
says I could very well lose that eye.
Other than these flaws, minor and inconsequential, this is one sweet boopersnoop! Can he come live with you?
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