The Time Of Long Shadows

Benvenuto Cellini wrote that 'All men of whatsoever quality they be, who have done anything of excellence, or which may properly resemble excellence, ought, if they be persons of truth and honesty, to describe their life with their own hand'. 
Of course, Cellini was a genius artist and a psychopath who had something to say.  I'm not even a man, not anymore.  I have never been one, the Transition took place when I was a boy, I no longer remember my human body or appearance.  Hell, I no longer remember anything before the war, just the endless training and the soldiers I served with.  I was younger than the others, most of them were condemned to the Enhanced Infantry program, I was part of the 'Operation Ten Thousand'*, which took orphans and juvenile delinquents and bound them over to the Combat Modification program.  Of course, nothing like 10,000 went through the process, I think I was in the last group selected.  After a battalion of about 600 modified battlefield units was created the program was put on hiatus.  I now know that the program was halted and it had been decided to use what the army already had in the way of altered infantry, meaning use until destruction.  When training was completed I was shipped to the front, I was the only member of my class to be deployed.  I don't know what happened to my fellow recruits.  I do know that I was one of two rabbit scouts, the others were mostly of carnivore stock and selected for intelligence and ferocity.  I never saw the other rabbit scout, he was killed shortly before I arrived while looking for enemy snipers.  After the war me and the one other survivor of our unit were pensioned off and resettled into civilian life, why on earth the higher ups decided that a modified human rabbit could fit into society is beyond me, although I have my suspicions.

I mowed the yard although it was a hot summer day, while I do sweat my fur traps heat so I must be careful.  The grass had grown up over two of my cat's gravestones, they are up against the fence and I can never get all the grass mowed there.  I decided to leave them that way for now, after all I know where they are and it doesn't matter if anyone else does.   I could hear children playing in the vacation rental house's yard on the other side of the bamboo wall, nothing like childhood memories of sunny beaches and endless water as far as the eye could see.  I pretend that I have such recollections.  I quit mowing and sat on the back porch and drank cold tea from a thermos.  The hummingbirds fought over their feeders, although there was plenty to go around the little bastards are mindlessly territorial and guard those bottles with their lives.  Just because something is cute don't make it pleasant.  There was light classical music on the NPR station I listen to and all in all it was a very nice afternoon.  A soccer ball bounded over the bamboo and landed by my feet.  I picked it up to throw it back but a boy and girl had already ducked through the gap in the fence and were standing in front of me looking wide eyed.
"Please, mister, can we have our ball back"?  the boy asked and the girl said "You're a rabbit".  I handed her the ball and replied, "Yes, I do look like a bunny", and the boy said "Cool"!  I would have talked with them more but I could see what I took to be their father watching us through the bamboo.  "Go on now", I said to them, "have fun".  The man watched as the kids ducked back through the fence and disappeared without saying a word.  I have been told that those who rent that house are briefed on me so there is no shock.  Did I once have a sister?  Or a dad and mom?  How wonderful to have family.  I drank the last of the tea and went inside to feed my cats. 
MeeMee was furious that she had to wait so long for her supper and Precious tripped me in the kitchen by winding around me feet.  Today was tuna day, I give them both something like that once a week.  I took a shower, the sweat crusts on my fur so I like to wash that off, I dislike the feel of water on my skin but I also dislike being a slob.  I dried off and put on a pair of shorts that would be regarded as rags by Robinson Crusoe.  I wasn't hungry so I went back to the porch and lit a cigarette, I'm a nicotine fiend.  I would blame that on my army experiences but I suspect that I'm a weak willed degenerate.  Two hummingbirds sat on branches 8 feet apart and planned their next fight.  Evening is the best time here, the breeze of the water freshens and the heat subsides.  The family behind me was grilling something for their dinner, the smell of roasting meat makes me sick so I went inside and turned on the television.  I usually avoid news programs so I watched some bad cartoons for awhile before dozing off.  When I awoke with a shock I reached for my rifle before remembering where I was.  I picked Precious up off my lap and got a bottle of wine and went back to the porch.  I watched the stars and the crescent moon while listening to the radio.  I could hear the possum eating the outdoor cat's food and wished him/her good luck, I am fond of the wild animals.  There was a little fox that would jump the fence and eat said catfood, I quit putting it out at night because he should not be around humans, man means death to such creatures and he needed to get out of the habit of scavenging human residences.  I haven't seen him in some time.  I remember Cpl Fox being evaporated by a hidden weapon and how much that sickened me.  I could still smell the barbecue from next door but the night breeze shoved most of the odor away.  I would have broke out my guitar but lately I have had a real 'why bother' attitude so I just drank and chain smoked.  When it was time to sleep I locked all 3 locks on the back door, and then turned on all the lights in the house.  Why I bothered with the locks was purely psychological, a determined attacker could get through any of the windows fast enough that I would not have time to react unless I was very lucky.  That day was coming but it wasn't here yet.
I went to bed and dreamed of a sunny day in the park while playing with someone I could not see well, but we were happy together.  I'm only happy in dreams, still, happy is happy wherever you find it.  Tomorrow I will go shopping at the corner store, most people there are used to me by now and are usually friendly.
Usually.

https://www.warhistoryonline.com/vietnam-war/project-100000.html?firefox=1

https://misterscribbles.blogspot.com/2022/03/freaks-paulie-panda-and-billy-have-not.html